It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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