He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
