You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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