Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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