he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
