508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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