Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
