hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
