My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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