Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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