that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
