So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
