tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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