I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
