He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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