I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
