when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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