mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
