I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
