Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
3pm strippers are depressing
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
