if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
