I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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