I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I puked a lego.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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