Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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