Cold hands, warm shart.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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