did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
