You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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