I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize