She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize