I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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