So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
