Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
