I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have tasted many bathrooms
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize