So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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