Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize