I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
