Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
