Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
