Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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