I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
