I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
