i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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