I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
