just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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