So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
