I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
