Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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