Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm at about main and main street
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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