There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't think brook has ever known best
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
someone owes me an orgasm
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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