In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
