Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
