I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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