I am in a vortex of obligation.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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