I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
