So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
