Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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