she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
