Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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