You really coming over, don't trick.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
