dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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