I'm going to jail i love you
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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