I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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