just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He has the fingertips of a God
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
