I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
