nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
