Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dick very happy bro
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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