We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
