i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
