I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
