Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
