Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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