Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
