Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
