New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
