I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
