I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
