Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
